


One last time

by WritingforTheAvengers



Category: Avengers, Captain America, MCU, Marvel, Steve Rogers - Fandom, girls' generation
Genre: Angst, F/M, Girls' Generation - Freeform, Girls' Generation Song, kpop song, so nyeo shi dae, 소녀시대
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 10:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17682026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingforTheAvengers/pseuds/WritingforTheAvengers
Summary: You and I have stopped before the goodbyeI take in your appearance carefully for the last timeSo I can keep it for a long timeWait, one last time





	One last time

You knew there was something wrong; you just felt it in the air. All signs pointed out that way. Your relationship was dying and there was nothing you could do to save it. That very moment you knew it, how it all slipped form your fingers. Steve was lying next to you, fast asleep and breathing softly in the comfort of having dozed off hours ago, but there you were, lying awake in bed with the million memories of the two of you compiled, trying to figure out when it started to go wrong. Was it you? Were you too expressive? Too little? Because it must have been you; it had to be you.

You couldn’t be ungrateful towards Steve, since he took you out of your misery years ago the moment he confessed he was madly in love with you. But time went by and things started to change. It was very subtle, but you and Steve too could tell the difference between now and then.

At around 4, you were able to finally doze off, but it didn’t last long because Steve was already up at 5, ready to train. You hummed and rolled off on the bed to look at him. It was probably not possible, but he seemed older, more tired. His shoulders were hunched, and he was clearly reluctant to even get up from the bed.

“Sorry,” he whispered, “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“Don’t worry,” you smiled at him, but he didn’t smile back, “I didn’t get much sleep last night, so I might as well get up too… unless…” you tugged at your bottom lip.

“Unless?” He asked, unamused.

“Unless you stay with me for a while… we haven’t had time to be lazy in bed lately…” you hoped that could work, but it only elicited a soft chuckle from him—more like he was scoffing at the terrible idea you just presented. “Well, perhaps not,” you murmured to yourself and rolled off again to give your back to Steve and end your embarrassment.

“Sorry,” he apologized for the second time that morning. “You know I can’t stay, but we can do something later. Do you wanna watch a movie? We can have that take-out you like… Chinese?”

“Indian, the Chinese place was shut down like a month ago,” you harshly corrected. “It’s alright, Steve,” you replied, “I had work to do anyway, and Pepper’s gonna be mad if I don’t have it today.”

“Hey…” he sat on the bed next to you and placed a hand on your shoulder. “Don’t be like this, baby, please…” you buried yourself under the beddings because you didn’t want to start the day having a long conversation on why your eyes were watery and why were you upset about. “Hey, I promise I’ll be back soon,” he patted your shoulder and you felt how he stood up and left.

You stood up after he closed the front door and decided you’d had enough of feeling miserable. While he was gone, you were going to make yourself happy and you wouldn’t let him know you have been miserable for a while. You looked at your calendar and it popped out that you had a meeting at the Avengers’ compound. It was party night and by the looks of it, Steve had completely forgotten about it. You decided you wouldn’t be miserable at least not that day. Parties were always fun, and with the right people they could be awesome. They were the right people.

Steve came back about three hours later, at 8 am, and he brought with him bagels for you to have breakfast with him. You did have to do some work for Pepper, but since breakfast and work went hand in hand, you put down the fight for a while and decided to let yourself be indulged by him just a little bit. You didn’t say much, at least not to him.

But whenever you opened your mouth, you could feel his eyes fixed on you; when you, eventually, looked back at him, he’d purse his lips and give you a somewhat smile. It was the same expression when you meet someone on the street but you don’t really know that person, but it’s not a complete stranger. You knew Steve, or at least, the old Steve. This man in front of you, you were not sure if you knew him. And you were damn sure he didn’t really know you either.

“It’s Stark’s party tonight,” you reminded him in a plain voice. “But I can’t remember if it was a theme party or not.”

“I had completely forgotten about it,” he scoffed some of his coffee and wiped it away with the back of his hand. “Are we going?” He cocked an eyebrow at you, but you only looked at him from the corner of your eyes. “I was thinking we could hang out tonight… you know, get that Indian take-out you like, watch a movie… Be lazy,” he shrugged.

“I told Wanda I was going,” you shrugged back. “We haven’t seen each other in a while—if you wanna you can just stay here. I can go on my own.”

“Nah,” he shook his head, “we haven’t had fun in a while, we should go,” that thing hit a soft spot inside you, and your face must have given you away, because Steve’s expression softened and he hurried to apologize. “Hey—I didn’t mean that—I—I didn’t want for it to sound like you and I don’t have fun, but it’s just that we’ve been kinda apart lately.”

“And whose fault is it?” you softly asked. “It doesn’t matter,” you shook your head quickly, “you already said it and it’s true, we haven’t had fun,” you closed your computer and walked towards the bathroom to get a shower.

Later that day, at the party, Wanda found you drinking on your own by the bar. You needed to erase all memories of that awfully long and awkward trip from your place to the compound, and alcohol was probably the best option for that.

“What’s going on?” She asked, taking the seat next to yours and playing with the liquid inside her glass. “You look like shit.”

“It’s Steve, but you already knew that,” you scoffed. “We’re going through some trying times, and I fear that we won’t make it.”

“Do you wanna share with me?”

“I’ve no one else to share, so you’re gonna have to put up with that,” you chuckled. “I do need you to keep quiet about this, especially around Steve—or anybody else, I really just need someone to hear me out,” she nodded in silence. “I just feel like I’m living with a stranger. I mean, I know it’s him indeed but… I just don’t think it’s us anymore. He stopped look at me with those eyes, and in a way, I feel like I have too. It’s slipping from our fingers and, I feel like he’s not even trying to hold on,” your jaw trembled, and the tears that you had saved for months threatened with coming out. “I wanna hold on, but I don’t know if it’s worth the damn. Some time ago it would’ve been, and I would’ve talked this through with him but now…” you shrugged. She tapped your hand and quickly looked at Steve that was coming right behind you. “Shit,” you muttered to yourself.

“What’s with you two, ladies?” Steve asked merrily. “Everyone’s been asking about you, (Y/N), and you’re hidden here with Wanda—am I in the middle of something?” He softened his voice and stood beside you. “Are you alright?” He asked again, but the minute he put his hands on your shoulders, you flinched. “Hey, (Y/N), what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you shook your head, “you just scared me—what it is?”

“I just wanted you to say hi to the others but… if you’re not feeling well you can stay with Wanda, she’ll take care of you.”

You rolled your eyes and tightly pursed your lips to yourself. “I’m alright—we can leave our conversation for later, right?”

“Sure,” Wanda sympathetically smiled at you and nodded her head. “Call me later, (Y/N), I’m sure that was not half of it and I wanna know how it ends up,” you nodded in silence.

Steve held your hand and walked with you towards the rest of the people. “What did she mean?” He asked awkwardly. “What were you two talking about? It seemed serious.”

“You know how we get sometimes,” you chuckled and faked your best smile. Truth was that you loved how his hand felt against yours; it made you feel safe, like you still belonged together, but the moment you squeezed it, he let go of you. You didn’t try to hold it again; it would’ve been useless.

There was one thing you had become great at, and that was faking. You could fake just about anything, and when the other Avengers asked you about your relationship, you made it look like everything was milk and honey, though Steve didn’t really cooperate with the lie. He was obviously uncomfortable, but the others didn’t seem to notice.

“(Y/N),” Steve said to your ear, “do you mind if we leave early? I have a mission tomorrow, and I’m going with Natasha and Clint. Or you can stay if you want and call an Uber for later, or stay here the night…”

“I was getting bored anyway,” you stepped away from him and started walking towards the exit. You just wanted to get home and get some sleep.

Once in the car, Steve decided to drop a bomb. “I think we need to talk,” his voice is serious, like the one he uses to talk to the team in missions and stuff. You realized you were nothing else but part of the team; a subordinate that needed to be put in line. “Do you feel like there’s something weird between us?”

You didn’t want to fight; you were just exhausted. “Not that I’ve noticed,” you faked your most calmed voice. “I mean, I know you’re busy with work and that’s it… but you’ll have less on our plate eventually and we’ll get to do stuff together like we used to,” you shrugged. “I haven’t been really supportive either, I guess.”

“Don’t put this on yourself, please,” Steve shook his head. “This is on me—I’ve been away, and I haven’t been with you but it’s just that…”

“It’s just that what?” You looked at him, but it took him way too long to give you a proper answer. “Steve, it’s just that what?” You said you didn’t want to fight, but his words were like knives and you wouldn’t get stabbed that night. Steve was a band aid that you’d been pulling way too slow, and you needed to get that done.

“I don’t want this to sound mean or anything, but being with you just takes a lot of time, and it keeps me distracted from my job—and you’re a great distraction and I like being with you, but…”

“But you can’t do this anymore?” You asked, your eyes fixed on the window. “My god, I never thought it’d be you who said it,” you shook your head in disbelief.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Steve, do you even know me? Of course I’ve noticed you’re distant from me. I feel how you enjoy being away and that being with me is just a terrible obligation. I get it, and I think tonight everyone got that too. I don’t wanna be a burden to you, I just wanted to be with my boyfriend, is that too much to ask?”

“You knew what you were getting into when you said yes, (Y/N).”

“Oh, no more don’t put this on you, (Y/N)?” You scoffed. “Steve, just say it. Say what you mean for once in your goddamned life. I don’t have the time or the energy to guess what you mean.”

“I think we should break up.”

“You think? Or you want to?” Steve silently parked outside your shared place. “And I suppose you don’t wanna give it a second chance, right?” The tears pooled in your eyes once again for one too many times that same day. “Steve, fucking say something!” You yelled from the bottom of your heart.

“What do you want me to say? I don’t wanna make this harder…”

“Oh, and not talking will definitely make things easy,” you shot back. “Are you not gonna give us a second chance?” Steve looked down to his lap and shook his head. “I would’ve given everything for you, Steve Rogers. Everything,” you snarled, feeling the tears run down your cheeks. “Whatever you wanted me to be, I would’ve been, just for you. Don’t you dare calling me again when you feel lonely, because I will not pick up, no matter how many times you try. I don’t know when,” you sighed, “but there’ll come a day when you’re gonna miss me and I’m not gonna be there to patch you up, or to hold you at night. You’re gonna be so goddamned lonely, and you’re gonna think about me, but I’m not gonna be there anymore,” you shook your head and allowed yourself to let out a loud sob. “I would’ve fought for us, but what’s the use since you won’t? Bye Steve,” you opened your door but he stopped you.

“Where are you gonna spend the night?”

“Away from you,” you assured him. “As far away as possible,” you descended from the car and loudly slammed the door shut. You grabbed your phone and texted Wanda. “ _I need a place to stay the night, help to get an apartment, and help to pick up my stuff from Steve’s place. It’s over._ ”


End file.
